Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I needed to cry, but...

Today I walked ahead of my children, so they wouldn't see me crying. It's funny how we want our kids to learn the lessons of life and love...but try so hard to protect them from it. This afternoon I sent my children to their rooms, "I need to focus on my work" I said. Actually, I didn't want them to see what it looks like to die inside. It makes your nose run and your eyes red...not a pretty sight. All these little arms to hold me, and still I'm tortured at the fact that someone could so easily walk away--leaving me lonely...then take all the love I gave...and give it to someone else. This evening, I sent my children to bed a little earlier than usual. I needed to cry, but...I couldn't...Until I started typing this...

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Short Shorts: Very short stories.

Two Characters>>Very short story about letting go
by Theresse Bynum

“One more hour to go.” Raymond thought to himself, as he fingered through the files on his desk.
Child Psychology isn’t the most fun career but “It has it’s rewards”, as he likes to say. Midway the files, he’d noticed a familiar name; Klepter, Daniel. “Daniel Klepter?” he called into the waiting room. A gelatinous looking little boy, possibly of nine years, stood from his seat and wobbled towards the office. It was as though Raymond was looking back into time. The boy clenched something tightly in his hand, mom followed.
“How are you ma’am?” Raymond extends his hand. “I’m Raymond Azul, I will be talking with your son shortly to get to know him better. Is there anything you would like for me to address?”
She shakes his hand then takes a seat next to her son at the desk. As soon as mom began to speak, Raymonds’ attention was diverted to the object in the boys hand. He looked at the boys face, which appeared calm as he fumbled with the object. He watched carefully as Daniel began a back and forth motion rubbing his palms together. Raymond noticed it was a car. A rare, blue, 1960 “T” model car, no longer available. Raymond sat back in his seat and kept himself from getting emotional. Focused on the car, he whispered, “Mom? Would you mind if I spoke to Daniel alone?”, unaware that she was still talking, he was whispering, and he’d called her “mom“. “That’s what I just asked you.” she chucked, to hide her slight annoyance. She kissed Daniel on the forehead, and told him she’d be right outside; as if he didn’t just hear their conversation.
Sooo, D.”
“That‘s not my name.” he answered, keeping his head down.
Ok…Daniel.” He opens his folder. “These papers tell me a little bit about you, but, I’d rather let you tell me about yourself.” No response. He gives the boy time then says, “Then again, talking can be overrated.” He closes the folder, and places it back into the small pile of files.
“You mind if I take a look at that?”
No response. “That, in your hand.”
“See?” Daniel held up the car without lifting his head.
“I mean, can I hold it?”
“Why not?
No response. “I heard you used to do well in school. You sound like a very smart kid. Do you take your toy to school? Hmm? You know, there comes a time for us to grow. Your becoming a man now, and as we grow, we have to let go of…things.”
“I used to have a car like that when I was around your age. I…lost…it. My father gave it to me because he used to sell cars and I would always say I wanted a fast car like that one.” he said pointing over to nothing. In his mind, Ray was standing in his fathers car lot, looking at the black “T” car. “He gave me a blue one because that’s what my last name means in Spanish. Azul means blue. It was like he was giving me a part of himself, so he put something...well, anyway. One day I was with some friends playing in the park and an older boy came and asked to hold it. I said no, but he…” Raymond paused and stared into nothingness. “Well, Enough about me.” He reached behind his chair, and takes a model car off the window sill. Daniel lifts his eyes, then slightly lifts his head to see what Raymond was doing. Slowly he turns around and places the car on the desk. It was big and shinny, Daniel thought.
"The top goes back. I’ll let you hold it, but, only for a seconds, ok?”
Daniel nodded. As he placed the blue car on the desk, Raymond had the urge to snatch it, but instead assured he wouldn’t break it. As he reached for the car a feeling began to squeeze his chest. As he picked it up and brought it to himself, he couldn’t wait to flip it over. Sure enough, there was the “R” his father, Ray Sr., had carved into the metal at the bottom, the afternoon he’d given it to him. His eye’s began to sting. He squeezed it in the palms of his hands, as if to feel his dad once again. He placed his hands near his face trying to sneak a touch on the cheek. He succeeded. In that moment lil ray felt the same way he did thirty years ago.
A soft thud brings him back. As he opened his eyes, he noticed the car on the table and Daniel staring at him, “I want my car back.”
‘It’s not yours’, Raymond wanted to say. ‘your father stole it’.
“Daniel. It was really big of you to let go for a while. I bet it was hard.”
“Well, you know, you can probably get a little money for that old thing. It would be another big step, especially for mom. Since it was so easy, I’ll take it off your hands.”
“I want my car back, and I’m not selling it.”
“Well, how about…”
“My father gave it to me!”
Ok. I understand. I’m sure he will be proud of you if you…”
“He’s dead…it’s all I have left of him.” Daniel stood up and stormed out of the room.
Raymond stood silent. Suddenly, what he wanted didn’t matter anymore. In that moment, lil Ray did something that his mother told him to do years ago; he let go of…things.